Foxes and Grapes

9 Jan
My parents own this book, its called a “Treasury of Fables”. There are 122 Fables in this book…
so I’ll bet you can guess what I’m challenging myself to do huh?
Basically that I’ll go through them all, how does that sound? And if I finish (God willing), then I’ll move on to something else. I’ll attempt to do this daily, or regularly at least. It’ll be kind of like a regiment, you know like a New Year’s resolution, something you would like to assign yourself to do, each day either to make yourself a better person, or…you know to have something to look forward to.

Foxes and Grapes

The first of the fables is about the fox and the grapes. A fox, walking through a town, sees some grapes growing on a vine, and driven by hunger attempts in continual vain to reach those tasty grapes…He leaps and leaps with all of his might but cannot reach them.
As he walks away, the fox remarked “Oh, those grapes aren’t even ripe yet! I don’t need sour grapes.” The lesson to be learnt?
People who speak disparagingly of things they cannot attain, would do well to apply this lesson to themselves.
In an attempt to apply what I’ve gained from schooling, this related largely to cognitive dissonance. This is the state of holding two conflicting ideas at the same time. Hooray for education and application of knowledge.
Could it be that cognitive dissonance describes my love life? Ha! Very true, I’m going to come right out and type it: I have been single all my life and because that is the case, I do not know what I’m missing really. I mean I see it, all around me, my friends are engaged, my friends are dating, and they all seem to be happy. But I’ll be honest, because I don’t have it in my life I tell myself “You know what? I don’t need it…I’m free.” Sometimes…I won’t lie I speak disparagingly about things that I cannot attain, and that is one of them.
It is funny though, how unaware of my singleness I was, until I was forced to see it, simply because people began “attaining” relationships so to speak. And once I was aware, I immediately came up with excuses for why this would be the case…

I guess I’m the fox in this situation…

Here they are:
1. I’m much too brilliant to fancy anyone in that regard. I’m too independent.
2. I have way to many plans in my life and having a relationship would just hold me down.
3. That would mean getting to know someone else entirely and caring about them with a whole heart, and I find this hard enough to do for my family. In short, a relationship is work…
4. I don’t need it.
5. I like my freedom
6. I need to focus on other things…
7. It would never work.

You might think this list is dreary and daft (good word huh?) but for me, its almost like a life line when someone asks if I would ever date or marry. I list those seven things off and that person is left simply standing there, blinking…blinking…blinking…and I walk way, having successfully proven why.
Ha! There, take that.
Not that I’m bitter or anything, no no no. But I would certainly have hated to have been that person standing there listening to my list, because I would have said it dripping with disdain.

But I’m a happy person, really I am, and here is a better, more positive example of cognitive dissonance. I lived for a year on a campus in Philadelphia, and on this campus there is a cafe, which is lovingly referred to by students as The Caf (convenient). I would go and fill a cup of cereal and spoon and happily eat away. One day, on one of those cereal/cup endeavors, and girl came in and said…
“I always see you in The Caf. Do you ever leave?”
I stood there, with my spoon in my cup. A simple “Hi, how are you?” would have been a better greeting in my opinion, but not matter. Instead I replied; “No, in fact I actually sleep here.”
“Really?” She asked.
“No.” I replied, after all I couldn’t leave the poor girl thinking I actually did. But I walked back to my room with the thought; “Am I really down there that often? Surely I leave every once in a while, well of course I do, I’m leaving right now aren’t I?”
This is a form of cognitive dissonance, in which I became aware of my “always being in The Caf,” and then fervently denied that this phenomenon could ever be the case…but then I couldn’t help but think that maybe it was true.
From then on, I was like a Ninja…in the way that I would run grab a cup, and then run to my room. My idea being that if I was there for only a minute at a time, she wouldn’t see me, and I wouldn’t always be in The Caf. Good plan right? Good work out too.
So, I would grab my cup, run to my room, a minute later, run back and fill it with milk and cereal, run back to my room, then sit at my desk, maybe check my email, and then finally run back and get a spoon. It works in theory, but when applied, I almost always spilt and still (and I do not know how this happened) that same girl would be there.
It was almost as if she knew. My roommate once asked me what it was that I was doing. I said “Trying to dis-way my dissonance.” But funny enough, my procedure only actually had me traveling down to The Caf, which is what I was trying to disprove! My lesson? Don’t try to dis-way my dissonance by disproving it, because in the end you actually prove that it might be true.
Good story I know right?

And then I found five bucks.

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3 Responses to “Foxes and Grapes”

  1. Sarah January 9, 2011 at 6:57 pm #

    Tricia, being single is awesome. I get the dissonance. I get the wanting and not wanting. I love your honesty.And I love that God has given you such freedom to pursue anything and everything right now! It is so exciting! And I love that Sarita and I can be your roommates and not have to share you with any boys! Because I am selfish and I want Tricia Demmers all for us. I love you, beautiful!

  2. dancingthroughlife January 10, 2011 at 1:05 am #

    Tricia!!I love this. Such honesty that often I can't admit even to myself (:I loved our talks in our room in the evenings after teaching! how are you doing (besides taking on the world of blogging)?loves you Lizzy

  3. Tricia Demmers January 10, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    Lizzy!! I am well!! How are you doing? Yes I am attempting this whole blog thing in which I try to blog regularly, kin of like a New Years resolution except not so strict you know? I'm doing well though! How are you?

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