The Eagle and The Cocks

18 Jan
There were two cocks in the same farmyard and one day they decided to fight to decide who should be the master. Once the fight was over, the one who had lost went and hid in a dark corner and the winner flew up to the roof of the stables a crowed with great pride.
But an eagle saw him from a distance and swooping down he carried the prideful cock off, and he was never seen again. After this the other came out of the dark corner and was the master with no rivals afterwards.

Pretty gruesome huh? I know, hopefully this situation has never occurred to you in such drastic measures. Perhaps you realized your mistake and set things right before they could be carried too far, maybe it was too late. Maybe you’ll never know and that mistake you made, changed your life forever and you’ll never be the same. Maybe thats a good thing and maybe thats not a good thing.
I’m realizing that writing something that pertains to my life, based on these fables, is harder than I thought. For one thing there are instances in my life and times that are particularly personal and although they would make a perfect example, I don’t wish to share them. Am I scared of judgment? Yes, maybe I am.

But if I want this little venture to succeed I’m going to have to be honest, and forthcoming.Telling your life in fables allows me to see myself for who I am, and sometimes it is rather scary, rather funny and rather revealing. A few days ago I sat down and started this blog, I made a connection and realized that this was my life. That what I would write about would be like baring my soul. I stared at the blinking cursor for the longest time, attempting to type something, anything else that would come to my brain. But only the example remained in the forefront of my brain. Dangit!
Its almost as if it was meant to be, almost as if there is no escaping. When I started this thing (a mere 4 blogs ago) I don’t think I foresaw this and maybe I wouldn’t have started had I known that this was coming. Whats great is that to you (my few precious readers) this might not seem all together that big and tempestuous…

When I was growing up, my family attended a church, called Port Perry Baptist Church, and it still exists today, in fact some of the people in it are larger than life and still remember me when I come home. Throughout my tough adolescent years, this church became almost like a safe haven, something that I would look forward to, that I could be involved in and not worry about judgment.
You remember those years of the “teens”, if you do then you can resonate with me here, because I don’t think anyone had those times easy…we were discovering our place and personality and that can be hard to find. I digress…
I was involved in Awana Programs, in the church worship team, Sunday school and even youth group for some time. I loved the feeling of being needed and being sought after to help with something and more than that I loved helping out and watching a success take place. Youth group though was kind of like high school hierarchy again, and sometimes it was more than apparent to me that I just didn’t fit in.
Once I realized this, I began to distance myself. I let pride seep in to my heart and take over my brain when it came to involvement within the Youth group. It wasn’t that I thought I was too good for them, it was because I thought they didn’t want me. So in retaliation I said “Fine, I don’t need you,” and whenever someone invited me to something, I said “No thank you.”
I went away to university, far away from home to move on from a life of a person who tried too hard to be loved. At school I could reinvent myself. And I did. The girl I was in high school would not know that girl I am now. At school I have friends everywhere, and I love them, they care for me and I feel needed and loved. I’m talkative and extroverted at school, I’m a completely different person.
Then I return home, and I remember who I was, how I turned the proverbial back to potential friends and my heart plummets. You see, being at school far far away is where my pride surges and then coming back home is where it drops down below zero. Actually when I’m away anywhere I become a completely different person compared to the person I am when I’m at home. I don’t crow loudly like that rooster, but my thoughts are boasting to myself about the person I am. But then I am reminded severely of the person I once was when I return home to that church and realize…
Because to be completely honest, I could have tried harder, taken a step and put my pride aside and I could have been that person who wanted friends at home instead of that person who said “I don’t need them.” Which is completely erroneous, I need people like I need oxygen to breathe. Friendship is priceless. Relationships are priceless, and when I say things like “I don’t need you,” its only because my pride is hurt and I’m in the process of falling from my own pedestal that I’ve created.
So yes, after this past Christmas break spent at home I took a significant fall and currently I’m attempting to decipher how I can grow and learn from this lesson. Realizing that its a problem might be the first step in fixing it.
Hmmm, so there is some food for thought. And maybe you’re realizing that you do the exact same thing, because I know that I’m not the only one out here learning from my mistakes.

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2 Responses to “The Eagle and The Cocks”

  1. Sarah January 23, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

    Tricia, I think that this is SO true!I find that I am different at college and at home; I think the challenge is bringing home the person we have grown into. Glad to be on this journey with you!

  2. Tricia Demmers January 24, 2011 at 1:35 am #

    too true!

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