L’Oublieux (The Forgetful)

9 Apr
Ne me demandez pas pourquoi vous écris tout dans une autre langue; parce que, je ne sais pas.  Mais je pense que il y’a une raison, mais c’est caché de moi. Et ainsi de…je n’a pas une explication.


Peut-être vous saurez.


Have we forgotten where we were before where we are now, or is that simply my misunderstanding of the situation? It must be one or the other because when I think about people, I think a few things, some superficial and some deep. Here are a few deep things that I think about…
Firstly, people either love or hate remembering where we come from. Either its a source of pride or its a source of misfortune and why in the world would they want to remember something like that hmm? 
Secondly, those who think on their past with great pride think and sometimes dwell on the “old times” rather often.
Thirdly, those who think on their past with great shame think and sometimes dwell on the “old times” rather often too, they just don’t talk about it as much and that is simply because they don’t want to remember those times. Those times lower their self-esteem and remind them of the person they wish they weren’t.


The second category of people are what I have defines as l’oublieux, the forgetful. The funny thing is though that these people never really forget who they were, they are reminded constantly through their actions and the company they keep. But they desperately want to forget. 
Why?
Think about it for a second. Why would you want to forget about your past? Most likely a hideous crime you committed, or a failed attempt at something, a terrifying experience or an embarrassing situation. 


Let me be open here, and maybe I should write this part dans une autre langue. 
Pouquoi?
Parce qu’il est pourrait révéler beaucoup de choses à vous qui je suis
Ainsi.
But then maybe I should write in my natural language, because it might have more meaning to you then.
Decisions, decisions.
Okay, I’m going with the natural language.
Ma Langue maternelle.


Not too long ago, I had feelings for a certain fellow (I won’t name him) and I did everything within my being to try to spend time with him. Call him to hang out, send him messages, email him, ask him his opinions about tons of stuff. 
At one point after school had ended for the year and we were home, I invited him to hang out and watch a movie. He said yes and then proceeded to do nothing about it, I guess he assumed I would take care of everything.
So, we both couldn’t get a car and so my parents (knowing I had feelings for this chap) offered to give us a ride, because they would be in the area looking at rugs. So we agreed. But get this, I’m in my twenties and he is in his twenties, and we are getting a ride to the movies. Its so high school.
Anyways.
So we picked him up and it was just awkward, weird, frustrating and to be honest he didn’t ever call me or anything after, no email, no nothing. But silly me. I just couldn’t take a hint. So I kept on messaging him, and he would message me back whenever he had the time (and I know he was doing it just to be kind).
A semester followed of me, texting him every couple weeks, talking to him, nothing that a normal friend wouldn’t do, but I thought…anyways it doesn’t even matter what I thought. I…(I’m embarrassed to admit) wrote him a letter. It was sad.

I found out a few weeks later that he had started dating some one else.
Oh dear.
Needless to say, I probably won’t be opening my heart up any time soon (not that I opened it up wide to begin with)…
But that situation right there, is something I desperately want to forget, but the harder I try, the more I remember it.
How silly I must have been to think such thoughts. What a fool I was. Its a humbling situation, it lowers my self esteem and almost every time I think I might be on top of the world, I remember that little circumstance and I’m quickly brought back down to ground zero.
Which is good; it makes me human.
But I desperately wish I could simply be forgetful about that situation, I wish it would leave my brain. But it won’t.
Oh well, its a thorn in my side.

I know I’m not the only person to have gone through it, heck guys go through this stuff all the time, they just shove those feelings down and let them out through exercise or video games. I write about mine.
Maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I’m doing the write thing.

Mais ne vous souhaite pas (comme moi) que vous pourriez être oublieux de certaines choses trop? Parce que je sais que je ne suis pas le suel.
*soupir*
Bien c’est tout pour l’instant.

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