Building Castles in the Sky (2)

6 Sep
Beijing is full of lights, like every city. Whether they are the lights from cars or the lights from buildings, they all add together to make somewhat of a haven looking atmosphere, but I should not be deceived because this haven is not safe. What makes it seem almost dream-like at times is in fact the smog. The heavy smog, that at times makes you feel as if you’re wading through think air. Its in one word: uncomfortable. But its what makes living here seem almost unbelievable.

Aug 26th 2011
I’ve discovered that I’m not as smart as I thought I was. I think I know the rules of the game and then invariably, they change. I am…once again reminded that life is not a game…and there are no rules. But there are the morals and values that we live by each day. Its a pity that I’m only now just realizing it. 
Its true that its easier not to care-to distance myself and say “It doesn’t matter.” But that would be too simple; to uncomplicated. Nothing is ever just easy, nothing is ever really free of charge. Things worth doing, take time, prayer, thought. They don’t just occur. Like my heart, it is too complicated and yet simple at the same time, too unpredictable. I cannot stand that I don’t know the answer to my questions. Like, “Why am I here?”
Back to rules, there is one I think that should stand, there is one definite constant: Christ’s love and God’s mercy.

Sept 4th 2011
Its quiet…Beijing is quiet. Odd. This rarely happens I think. But its calm today, and the sun is almost completely awake. But I sit and wait a minute, Beijing is already on its way to becoming the loud city it usually is by noon. And I’m here, just waiting on the edge of what seems like the brink to I don’t know where.
A man dressed in white walks back and forth at a steady pace. “Morning exercise,” I think to myself.

There is a desperation for English in this country. Its almost staggering. It seems to me that these people who have such a beauty in their culture, their language, and yet they want so desperately to be Western. But they try too hard to reach that goal. Western themes are always overdone and overrated…There are many English schools like the one I work at, and there are more sprouting up throughout the country. Apart from that parents are asking for English tutors, English nannies, English babysitters. I can’t decide if its a “need” or simply an overwhelming “want”.


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