Reaching Back

18 Oct

Do you remember those questions that you and your friends would ask each other when you had nothing to do? I mean the questions like : Your house is burning down and you have enough time to run in and grab one thing, what do you grab?
Or…
If you had to choose between bungee-jumping or sky-diving what would it be?
Those questions are the ones that you can’t stand to answer because they force you to choose, to look inside yourself and think about what you really truly desire in your heart. Sometimes what we find in our heart isn’t what we want to see, so these questions fill us with a certain kind of dread in a way. Nobody likes to admit that if their house were to burn down they might run in to save their shoes or their computer rather than a less superficial artifact like their photo album. Am I right?
I could be wrong, but for the most part its true.

A question I have been pondering deals with the past. What do I regret doing or not doing? If I could go back to one specific moment in my past what would it be?
Now I’ve got you thinking haven’t I? About something wonderful you experienced, or about something you would much rather forget. What is it about our pasts that makes them so hard to embrace and simply let go of? So many people I know hold on, grasping at straws for something, but in the end they are the ones lost and without a reason as to why they got to where they are in the first place.

I digress.

Where would I go, if I could travel in my time machine, in my past?
If I were to reach back into my past…I would have to say: Guelph, 1999 or 1998, Chirstmas, my father’s parents’ home. My oma (grandmother) would have made this soup she always makes, with a few meat-balls…I always remember the soup. I don’t remember anything else. We would eat walnuts and use her nut-cracker that was silver and had a flower design on it. My opa would be sitting with my father at the head of the table. My mom is in the kitchen, helping my oma with something. Somehow in their living room we would all fit.
My two older sisters, Thea and Basja, would be sitting on the semi-broken couch, talking about something. Dang, I really do miss that couch, with its red and green patches and cloth arm-rests.
Kara, my younger sister, and I would be occupied with something, I don’t know what…but we were always inventing new ways of entertainment.

I would be 9 or 10 years old and nothing would have bothered me. Life would be simple, and I would have been oblivious to whatever problems that were going on at the time. I would have been blissfully ignorant, unaware.

There I have admitted what some dread to admit. What was in my heart. To be blissful ignorant.
When I started writing this post, I didn’t intend for it to contain this confession, but here it is. Its true too. But all of that being said, would I give back all of my experiences for that state of mind?
Definitely not. There are simply moments when I wish I didn’t know things, or I wish I didn’t hurt as much because of what happens in the natural course of life. That’s all.
Phew!

Okay, I showed you mine, now you show me yours; If you were to travel back into a time of your past, when and where would that be?

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4 Responses to “Reaching Back”

  1. jc October 19, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    this is very insightful… i’m honestly surprised that somebody as (usually) cheerful as you would ask such difficult questions. probably one of the things I regret the most was not being serious about my faith until my last year of high school; it could have saved me some damaging friendships and relationships along the way. in fact, i probably would have had better friendships with the people i DID know… these days, I bring my Bible to work (which is easily more secular and depressing than high school) all the time, and pray openly. i share that I’m a Christian with whoever is interested. most people respect it. and if people disagree (like my friend Charles, who took the liberty of cursing out missionary work to my face), it is still much more geniune to establish my identity in Christ than to try to be the kind of guy my coworkers would go clubbing with.

    If I had committed to that in highschool, I’d probably be a stronger Christian by now… though here’s another question; if we didn’t have any regrets, would we ever learn to make the most of today’s opportunities?

    (also curious if “coach” is a canadian spelling for “couch”)

    • triciamaria October 19, 2011 at 3:59 am #

      Thank you so much for your comment! And nope coach is not the Canadian spelling…I was just typing fast and happened to mispell the word: twice 🙂 As for your question…I would answer, “No, we wouldn’t, because what lessons would we have learned if we had nothing to regret?” Right?

  2. jc October 19, 2011 at 4:12 pm #

    i think that’s a good way of putting it. and since i’m bored and have a sore throat and no classes today, here’s another question. what if you’re not on the side of looking back, but at a crossroads? looking ahead at two decisions, each of which you know you might regret for entirely different reasons? then you have the wonderful privelege of knowing that whatever you choose, future You will look back from time to time and ask questions like these 🙂

    • triciamaria October 21, 2011 at 2:58 am #

      Thats the beauty of taking a chance…not knowing what will come either way you learn!

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