Searching for Reasons

1 Apr

I had a thought, I wanted to say something. But my brain is a little more than slightly broken. I have nothing to say…but I must write something, anything. Muse about something.

I posted a link.
And then realized that it is not a blog post really if they’re aren’t any words. So now here is the painstaking process of adding verbage.
It is true that I’ve been hating on Beijing in a big way these days. Not without probable cause.

I have my reasons:

The constant going that I am feeling is starting to suck me dry.
The fog-smog. It should really be its own word…fogsmog…there it’s its own word! As my colleague would say, “Boom!”
Spitting.
Snot shots.
Phlegm.
Elbows in my back.
People, everywhere. Need a moment alone? Search somewhere else!
Women carrying their babies, asking me constantly if I want a fake ID. The baby begins to cry.

Then there is this link:

Olympic song “Beijing Welcomes You” (subbed) – YouTube.

Beijing welcomes me huh?
I’m sure it does.
Things always look amazing when there are theatrical additives.

A friend asked me “Why don’t you leave?”
My answer, “I made a commitment, I will not give up on what I’ve started here. I can’t. I know regret will sink in as soon as the plane left the ground.”

Here is how I encourage myself:

1. This is a growing period of my life
2. It will be something to be proud of later on
3. I am learning to be independent, how to be my own person
4. Building my repertoire of experiences
5. I will appreciate my life that much more when I go home
6. In my mind if I can do this; I can do anything
7. Hopefully I am making a difference in the lives of others
8. Living and understanding in a different culture is a wonderful challenge to accept and conquer
9. Discovering how I am seen by another culture is such a learning curve that is making me a better person
10. A new language opens my mind to more

WOW, that is a pretty big list. I hope it makes sense, but in my own mind I’ve just proven to myself many times over that Beijing is much better than what I’ve known.

Why then, am I feeling suffocated if there are so many reasons to breathe?

Perhaps I am just too picky and expect too much. Perhaps I need to spend more time counting my blessings. Perhaps I need to infuse my life with more thankfulness.

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2 Responses to “Searching for Reasons”

  1. Zelma Lillibridge April 5, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    Hey there! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading your blog posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics? Thanks a lot!

  2. In Search of Perfect April 9, 2012 at 2:54 am #

    Great reasons to be in Beijing! I’ve always thought that being and living in another culture grows you as a person immensely. When you look back at this time some twenty years later, you will not remember the fogsmog or the elbows… But you will remember all the great things that you’ve seen in China! I guarantee 🙂

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