phonethoughts

8 Jun

Image

Arbitrary photo to match my arbitrary thoughts.

I jot thoughts down while waiting in line, sitting on the bus, riding a subway, waiting for an interview…This is unbelievably random. But you do it too, don’t be shy. There are no connections whatsoever:

The flicker between life and death is not tangible, and yet is reality. As simple as taking a breath and then not breathing. As easy feeling the wind but not seeing it and yet still knowing it exists. Existence is permeable, transitional and untouchable. Existence is not tangible and yet we know it as reality. We know no different. How can we?

It’s a riddle. Such a riddle. Ha!

It’s hilarious, how we think we’re in control and really it’s a facade, kind of like looking in a mirror and thinking to yourself “you got this.” And you leave before you see the mirror look back at you and say “girl you don’t know what’s coming and you don’t know what you think you got.” Because really the person looking back at you would be the black version of yourself if you’re white and the Asian version of yourself if you’re black. It’s all about being received and perceived in a different light then what you actually are.

So here I am sitting in an office that might be a ploy and waiting for a day of observations with a company that could or couldn’t be a next step and beyond myself I have higher hopes. But reality tells me that sometimes those higher hopes aren’t plausible. Part of me knows this is a joke and I’m kidding myself. Ha my life is a tad of a joke. But I have to have a job and some kind of ambition while studying! I need to have something for myself. Even if it’s just a job that’s not so great and I’m working towards something, and maybe just make this could lead to something. Or nothing. Work while studying. I Guess and live at home? No. No way.

Is it worth it? I don’t think so.

Be at each other’s throats left and right; constantly about living and how lives should be lived. “Should” is a hard task-master. You can never please “should”. Once you start trying to you realize you’re straining to attain priceless perfection. For what? Why? We should strive to be happy with being perfectly imperfect. But “should” is a hard task-master and you can never please “should”.

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