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Boundaries

9 Mar

~This is the first post in a series of posts I’ll be writing for People Against Violence Org

Certain issues around the globe have come to the attention of the average reader, for a few reasons. First for an awareness cause, and then also for the shock factor, but never purely for the sake of action. I’d like to posit that the two go hand in hand. You as the reader are potentially saying, “Of course.” But few people actually take the steps to take actions, posing the argument that they are powerless to do something, so awareness is the best aid they could possible give.

I don’t agree.

I was reading an article from The New York Times about the surprisingly high rates of violence against women the U.N. is still finding. Still. The article states that the evidence is ubiquitous, that despite the many “gains” for women in education, health and political power, violence against women and girls worldwide “persists at alarmingly high levels,” according to a United Nations analysis that the Secretary General Ban Ki-moon is scheduled to present to the General Assembly on Monday. 

The article goes on to explain that 35% of women worldwide (more than one in three) said they’d experienced violence of a physical nature in their lifetime. The report says that one in 10 girls under the age of 18 were forced violently to have sex. The topic is under heavy scrutiny as delegates gather at the U.N. to evaluate how well governments have done since their meeting in 1995 in Beijing, China.

Now, here are my thoughts on the subject; while strides are made, only those that have benefitted the middle class have even been remotely successful. Only those women with moderate amounts of money have benefitted from whatever regulations created. I know. I know it, because I lived in an apartment in Beijing, China, under a family who threw out their daughter-in law, simply because she said her husband, their son, was hurting her. BUT how could her husband, the man who brought them their “golden” grandson and the man who was their child beat their daughter-in law. Their logic therefore lead them to believe that their daughter was lying. Out she went.

The family eventually took her back. And then it was as if nothing had happened. I met her in the stair well and her face was vacant, resigned to what she’d have to live with for the rest of her life. Divorce is not popular in China, the woman is wrong. The common belief is that the violence against the women in the home was a problem that only concerned the family involved. Outside involvement mean the loss of face.

Cut to me here, sitting at my computer reading the article about the U.N. finding “alarmingly high” levels of violence against women, and I find a series of photographs:

Pittsburgh-based photographer Allaire Bartel’s series ‘Boundaries’ captures what it’s like to experience male entitlement from a female perspective. The model’s vacant expression alludes to how “how conditioned we as women have become to accept this atmosphere as excusable and even normal.” You can find more photography here.

In respect the above, it is no surprise to me that the U.N. is finding the amounts of violence “alarmingly” high. It’s due to the simple pure fact that we as woman have taken it to mean strength if we grin and bear it. The women who have a little power (money) have the confidence to say something, but even then, I believe they’d sugar coat it. Women who indentify with a lower standard of living, with no prospects, and rely on their husband’s family, have an added difficulty of clipped wings. In China such as, if a census were taken women would say they are treated properly, while most weren’t. The woman thrown out, couldn’t tell her friends, they’d say it was her fault, obviously she isn’t pleasing her family enough, that must be why he beats her. Right?

Of course that’s not right. But these are the facts. It’s going to take more than government sanctions to dim the amount of violence occurring against women. I’d posit, awareness, action, empowerment coupled with government sanctions. But that won’t be enough either if the violence stems from tradition, habit or mindset. The solution? I’d like to say I know. But honestly we’d have to answer the  two questions:

1. What goes deeper than government regulation?

2. How do you instil the want in people’s will to follow something which goes against tradition?

*Below you’ll see a three part poem “~toxic”, written about toxic relationships, and the confined space they create. 

IMG_4926

Poetry about a toxic relationship. Instagram: https://instagram.com/tmariadm/

Thank you and Good Afternoon.

Currently a new App is in the developmental stage, that will allow anyone to alert authorities should trouble arise. We are spreading #uAlert everywhere. Please see more by clicking here.

~TriciaMaria for People Against Violence Org

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#thetinafund

18 Dec

Please read. Please share…we’ve all lost someone dear to our hearts and this Christmas…this is how I’m choosing to remember.

FindingFelicity

In a letter my mother wrote to me while she was in the hospital, she said, “Writing this note, knowing you’ll be holding it soon, gives me goosebumps!”  On my first night home from Beijing, I found it tucked under my pillow and I  smiled at my mother’s cheesy words.

My mother who passed away 3 months ago this week, went through a stage in her life working in rural placements as a physiotherapist. She hadn’t much money, but somehow she made it work and well, she was passionate about helping people. She lived way up in Northern Canada, and for fun she taught herself how to play the guitar. She learned almost every song from Carole King’s Tapestry.

So now, I am the one getting goosebumps as I write to tell you about something oh so exciting! To spread her passion for physiotherapy we’re creating a scholarship fund with Queen’s University in…

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~Well Well Chanel

24 Sep
A few months ago I wrote a post in complete and utter anger to Coco Chanel in regards to something she always used to say; “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping it will transform into a door.”
No, I’m not taking my words back at all. In fact, f**k you Coco Chanel for your blunt stupid words that take hope away. I’m bringing up that post simply because we were beating on that wall, so hard and at times that we’d crumple in tears and in vain we’d sob. I wished, I prayed with every fibre of my being and soul that this wouldn’t be the outcome. We all wanted to take my mother’s place, the world would be better if she stayed and we went. I’m bringing up that earlier post because I want to reflect. Reflection is good. 

The entire time we were moving on a crumbling dance floor, it was coming out from under us and yet the only thing we could do was continue forward. What choice did we have?  We can’t just jump off this crazy train and say “Alright, I’m done, tired of this, I need something new and exciting.” No. The choice was made for us, and it’s too bad you know? Cause we’re all such control freaks; for something like this to happen beyond the reach of our grasping fingertips; it’s unimaginable. What on earth? How can this be? How will our world continue to spin without such love and beauty, devotion and care?

Well it must spin on, I guess. I am beyond thankful for my family and we’ll move forward together…

A few months ago, when my family discovered what Mom was suffering from we, none of us, understood the gravity and the result of the circumstance. But here we are now, and it’s been a week and day since my family has said goodbye to mom. It’s surreal. I can’t even think to describe the ache and the weight of hurt our hearts feel. Only those who have also lost someone so dear and precious will comprehend…hardship is not relative, hardship is hard.

A few months ago, I had believed with all my aching heart that Mom would recover, because loosing her would mean living without her. Of course I’d thought Mom would go to the hospital, have the extra bout with chemo, come back and she’d be ok, not fine, not great, but ok, she’d be alive. I’d even signed up to do a FearlessChallenge thinking if I threw myself into this… ugh. My heart and my head were floating on a cloud of illusion and they’ve come down now. Because now Mom is gone and yet, not really gone.

BUT, and here it is Coco Chanel; I’m not angry. Of course I’m hurting. Of course I’m broken. Of course I miss her terribly, and I hate that I can’t hug her or tell her I love her. BUT I am not angry. You know the clichés are true? I feel my mom everywhere. No I’m not crazy. I feel her, and I talk to her always. It’s a constant conversation. Here’s the thing, even when I was living in Beijing, I would talk to mom, when I got on a plane I’d say; “Well Mama, here we go again…”I wish I’d told her that. Now I know that she won’t see the photos I take or hear about my adventures I have. But I’m not angry Coco Chanel.

There is beauty if you choose to find it. On September 20th, the day of Mom’s funeral, the sun was shining and it was my nephew’s birthday. He turned seven. And when we came home from saying goodbye, there was a rainbow waiting for us. There was pain and there was life and throughout the entire day I felt Mom just smiling away.

smiling mom

We were hammering on that wall and I truly do believe it turned into a door. I truly do Coco Chanel. It’s not the door I had wanted it to be, but it’s a door none-the-less.

That being said, we will forever and always love and miss you mom. That won’t change.

Us happy people gotta stick together.

Giving won’t bring my mother back it will let someone else keep theirs. Please check out blood.ca to find a clinic and give.

Oh hello hi! Have a Happiness Experience you'd like to share? Well share it here by sending me an email (triciamariadm@gmail.com). AND after you've done that the paradigm of logic states you should like FindingFelicity on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/findingfelicityproject) Pretty please help me spread a smile, and some awareness. Muchos Gracias! Merci Beaucoup! 谢谢! 

Euphoria ~ From Calvin & Hobbes

13 Sep

I forgot I used to love these!

FindingFelicity

demand-euphoria

Us happy people gotta stick together.

Please check out blood.ca to find a clinic and give.


Oh hello hi! Have a Happiness Experience you'd like to share? Well share it here by sending me an email. AND after you've done that the paradigm of logic states you should like FindingFelicity on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/findingfelicityproject) Pretty please help me spread a smile, and some awareness. I'd be ever so grateful! 

View original post

From Dr. Seuss

8 Sep

drseussyouhavebrainsinyourhead

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Us happy people gotta stick together.

I depend heavily on my family and my friends whom I ask  to send anything on happiness, or their motivation, how they find it all in the name of life and being able to live it. I am very grateful to them for their participation. If you’d like to do so please…drop me a line.~FindingFelicity

Please check out blood.ca to find a clinic and give.

 

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