Tag Archives: Canada

F-dora

3 Nov

So, now I am back in Beijing. If someone were to ask me on Monday if I was glad to be back. I would bluntly reply, “No.” But then maybe on Tuesday or Wednesday, if asked the same question…I’d probably say the same thing.

Come on it’s still only the middle of the week. Cut me a break.

Thursday comes around and that same person asks again, “Tricia are you glad you came back?” I’d say, “Yeah, it’s super great! Couldn’t be happier.”

Yeah, you see, and I’m certain it’s the same for most foreigners living abroad, it’s a day-to-day thing. Maybe for some a week-to-week thing, others a month-to-month…you get my meaning. All of the above to say that well we’re here and not dwelling on why we came back. We should focus on the moment.

Here and Now.

Right now…here and now. I mean if we’re going with this whole “focus on the moment” thing;

I am currently:

  1. Listening to Def Leppard
  2. Wearing a fedora, alone in my apartment
  3. Drinking some wine (it’s cheap stuff)
  4. Writing this post

Seriously. You think I’m joking? No, not even. I even went to the trouble of taking a photo of myself. Here:

Mhmm. Let’s address my current situation.

1. For starters Def Leppard, has been my “go-to” band for music. 80’s rock for something sparks a something in me. Allows me to pretend like I’m in a band or that my life is a musical.  They make me feel awesome when I’m going for a walk, when I’m blowing off steam and even when I’m in the mood to reminisce. I particularly love the song: Pour Some Sugar on Me. Great song. Love it.

Maybe the reason for why I desperately cling to them relates directly to the fact that many of their songs were used in the musical movie Rock of Ages. I watched that movie on the plane ride back from Canada. I was hysterical and I needed something to make me forget…and I was handed a musical. What better way to forget sadness, than to sing through it?

2. Wearing the fedora bit. Well I’ve always wanted one, wanted to be like Marlon Brando, or like Frank Sinatra in “Guys and Dolls.” They are so suave and untouchable it seems. And as pitiful or as amusing as it sounds. I kinda would like to be like them; suave and untouchable. You call it lame, I call it “super-cool.”

3. Bought at the 7-Eleven for about 30 kuai which is roughly 5$ CAD. Good stuff. I am not ashamed. I am also not being facetious.

4. Well, just felt like writing. Haven’t been in the mood lately and suddenly the thought struck me…why not write a post.

Really this post is about nothing.BUT I guess the message I’m trying to send is that I’m okay with it. I am. I mean it. Sure it might not be the most awesome way to spend a Saturday night. But for me the combo (Def Leppard, a fedora, cheap wine and writing) is parfait.

Now this is turning into a self-help post. So if you’re feeling; well alone. Find a combo that transforms  you from a regular drone into a human being and just go with it. All ’em haters (love that term and have always wanted to use it!) will say things; but really, they’re jealous. You’ve found a spark and they’re still searching for it.

Now that’s metaphorical gold that you can take to the proverbial bank.

Advertisements

Going Through Something…

24 Sep
Travel problem

WordPress says that to increase “readership” I should include visuals…I didn’t know what would suit what I’ve written here. So I think this is appropriate.

So remember how I went to India? Well while I was there, I met a guru. He grew up in Canada and helped people for free. Despite his arrogant demeanour and sour smile, what he said was ever so honest. Of course he told me that I need to love myself more, and let my heart love more easily. “Go for it” he said. Ah yes of course. Go for it. Here’s my first attempt at simple plain honesty. And if you read this and feel moved…then don’t just nod your head…make a change. Do something.

Imma go for it:

There is no room in my life for an ego your size. It’s really all about silly pride isn’t it? Dumb, heavy, overbearing and useless. I’m fed up with it and you know the funny thing is…I desperately want to get to know who you are. But you’ve built up these proverbial walls so high, and even when I jump to peek over the top; I’m barely scratching the surface.  Am I making sense?

No? Let me break it down for you. This is what I’ve learned in my short span of what I can scarcely call a life. I’ve learned that hidding your sh**t does nothing for you. It only barricades you from the rest of the world. You (general) think that because you’re hiding it all, it makes you a deep individual? You think you’re the only one? Yes you’re the only one who’s “going though something”?

No! It is harder to deal with the thoughts of other people. When you keep your issues bottled up, your thoughts will twist and turn around in that head of yours and before you know it, a tiny issue becomes a catastrophe. So what in the world are you waiting for? I’m dying to get to know you! I’m begging to understand who you are.

WHO ARE YOU?

Don’t slap on a smile and nod at me. We’re adults aren’t we? The time to play “pretend” has come and gone. We can skip the small talk too, I don’t wanna to hear it. Lay it all out there for me, and watch me be someone who actually cares and will put my best foot forward to show you that I care. I really do care. I’m not telling you to forget and move on. No, take it with you, let it become part of what makes you an interesting character. But let it stop at that. Get over it.It isn’t your life, it isn’t what makes or breaks you. Just saying. 

But go ahead and keep it all inside your head. And I’ll watch you suffer, offer a way out and listen to your refusal. Soon I’ll stop asking all-together and then guess what you’ll come to me wondering if I have time to “talk”. Will I? Of course. I’ll have waited for what seems like forever. I just needed to wait for you to come around and learn for yourself. And maybe it will be sweeter and more worthwhile and I’ll have learned more by that time too. Who knows?

All Over

20 Sep
A coffee and doughnut at a Tim Hortons outlet ...

A coffee and doughnut at a Tim Hortons outlet on Yonge Street, Toronto, Canada. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First of all I just want to warn you that this post will seem a little disjointed.

Back in the Canada for a couple of weeks, just drinking my Tim Hortons, filling up on donuts, pouring maple syrup on everything and chatting up some RCMP. Nah, just kidding.

I guess I could have also said watched some hockey in there, but the season has been cancelled here, so…all of my fellow Canadians are grasping at straws saying “What will we obsess about now?”

I don’t know.

The real point of this post is not to think about stereotypical Canadian mannerisms or food. But rather it is an ode to what I call “giving over.”

“Ah yes of course!” you say and then look at me in a quizzical way.

Let me paint you a picture. The overarching fact here is that I’m an adult, I’m 23, I’ve been living abroad for the past year and a couple of months, I have a well-paying job and I have my apartment. Yes, good for me.All of that disappears when I come home. I become my parent’s daughter and my older sister’s little sister. Its like stress never really existed for me, they take care of all my needs. It’s wonderful to a certain extent.

Yesterday I needed to hand in my passport to the Chinese Visa Office to acquire my Visa to return to our China. Instead of being able to drive myself into the big city, I need my father to drive me. Because I don’t know where it is. I have to hand over my independence and accept that this is the way it is. If I were living here it would be different. But I don’t. Talk about a step down off the ladder of pride. It’s good for me though I think. Independence can be overrated.

So anyways on the drive down to get my visa photos taken, my father turns to me and says, “Do you know how to smile with your eyes?” I hadn’t thought about that. Because you see in Canada we are not allowed to smile for passport, visa photos, photos of any kind that will end up on a document for official use.

“No I hadn’t thought of that,” I tried and failed miserably. I guess I’m just good smiling with my mouth.

“How about your nose?” He asks.

I try. But the result is just my wrinkling it and I look as if I’ve smelt rotten cheese. “Nope, can’t do it.”

My point is this. Pride is wonderful in that it gives you the confidence to do what you want. But sometimes you reach moments in life where pride will make you stumble. And when your ego does take a tumble, take a moment and try to smile with your eyes. If you can do that, then try to smile with your nose.

If you can do both, give me a call I want to know your secret.

1 Jun

Here we are, some photos of my room in which I’ve lived. As I said, it once was blank, but now it is full of all these beautiful little additions and I absolutely love this room.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

It truly is amazing how the unfamiliar becomes natural and the random becomes common place. What was comfortable to you has now become out of your comfort zone. And what you considered home…is now something foreign to you.

Such is life. A road of ups and downs.

Dear Abby once said: “Don’t let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you will become.” Wonderful words, but these things are so much easier said than done. How can I take my past self and mold it into the person I am today, or the person I will soon become?

%d bloggers like this: