Tag Archives: Humor

**it Happens

1 Oct

 

Sidney Poitier's image, cropped from Civil Rig...

Sidney Poitier’s image, cropped from Civil Rights March on Washington, D.C., 08/28/1963, an image in Public Domain 

 

Sidney Poitier once said “So much of life, it seems to me, is determined by pure randomness.” Sometimes without even trying things come your way. Some people chalk it up to “fate.” A friend of mine says “I guess that’s karma for you.” I walk through the claustrophobically close streets in Varanasi, India. I have absolutely no idea where to look. If I look up, I see signs for bakeries, silk shops, jewelry shops.

“Heya, sister, you wanna samosa?” a shop keeper yells after me. I ignore him. It wouldn’t have been the  first time I’ve been called after…and it will not be the last. So I keep walking…oops I slip a bit and look down. Brace yourself. Yes that’s correct I had slipped in none other than the excrement of a near-by cow. “I almost landed in that!” I say to my friend walking behind me. I smile with pride. Crisis averted. I am safe.

Cows are roaming here and there. Everywhere it seems. Flea infested dogs are fighting to my left and I can see through their thin coat of fur to their pock-marked and bloody flesh. These dogs are not at all cute. In fact the cows are in better shape.

The Indian fellow walking ahead of me, smiles. His stained teeth stare at me in a gaping mannar. It’s very popular for Indian men to chew this tar powdery stuff called paan. I smile back but can’t help but curl my lips in a tad bit of disgust.

So we’re walking through a tight, tight street. Like this:

 

I’m distracted by a monkey swinging from an electrical wire above my head and I instinctively reach for my purse to protect it. Sometimes monkeys are trained to steal a foreigner’s bag. Guess who reaps the benefits when that bag gets back to the owner.The person who trained the monkey to steal the purse in the first place. But that’s beside the point. Because right at that moment we are passing a cow who thought it pertinent to let flow some…fluid. So my feet are now covered in cow pee. 

“Do not worry sister,” a voice says, I don’t know who, I’m busy staring in disbelief and anger at this dumb cow. “This is holy piss, it is good luck.”

 

I look up to see whether this person is joking. Nope. Not even in the slightest.

 

How wonderful. I was enjoying my claustrophobic walk, the shops that are so close, they invade my personal bubble. Seriously, sometimes it feels as if I can’t move for how close things are together. I was just beginning to appreciate everything about this place. I had even just enjoyed a treat at The Blue Lassi (gotta have a lassi). Narrowly missed falling in poo and now…this.

“Well its character building if anything,” I say to my friend and we both throw our heads back a laugh. What else could we do? Be angry? Annoyed? Tired?

There are far worse things that could happen to a person than pissed on by a cow. Great. At least it was “holy piss” right? At least I’ll have some luck right? Oh dear. If I had chosen that moment to be annoyed than well I would have lost all the other moments I had attributed to “character building.”

Good old character building. Life is nothing if not character building. That’s proverbial gold  you can take to a metaphorical bank.

 

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Going Through Something…

24 Sep
Travel problem

WordPress says that to increase “readership” I should include visuals…I didn’t know what would suit what I’ve written here. So I think this is appropriate.

So remember how I went to India? Well while I was there, I met a guru. He grew up in Canada and helped people for free. Despite his arrogant demeanour and sour smile, what he said was ever so honest. Of course he told me that I need to love myself more, and let my heart love more easily. “Go for it” he said. Ah yes of course. Go for it. Here’s my first attempt at simple plain honesty. And if you read this and feel moved…then don’t just nod your head…make a change. Do something.

Imma go for it:

There is no room in my life for an ego your size. It’s really all about silly pride isn’t it? Dumb, heavy, overbearing and useless. I’m fed up with it and you know the funny thing is…I desperately want to get to know who you are. But you’ve built up these proverbial walls so high, and even when I jump to peek over the top; I’m barely scratching the surface.  Am I making sense?

No? Let me break it down for you. This is what I’ve learned in my short span of what I can scarcely call a life. I’ve learned that hidding your sh**t does nothing for you. It only barricades you from the rest of the world. You (general) think that because you’re hiding it all, it makes you a deep individual? You think you’re the only one? Yes you’re the only one who’s “going though something”?

No! It is harder to deal with the thoughts of other people. When you keep your issues bottled up, your thoughts will twist and turn around in that head of yours and before you know it, a tiny issue becomes a catastrophe. So what in the world are you waiting for? I’m dying to get to know you! I’m begging to understand who you are.

WHO ARE YOU?

Don’t slap on a smile and nod at me. We’re adults aren’t we? The time to play “pretend” has come and gone. We can skip the small talk too, I don’t wanna to hear it. Lay it all out there for me, and watch me be someone who actually cares and will put my best foot forward to show you that I care. I really do care. I’m not telling you to forget and move on. No, take it with you, let it become part of what makes you an interesting character. But let it stop at that. Get over it.It isn’t your life, it isn’t what makes or breaks you. Just saying. 

But go ahead and keep it all inside your head. And I’ll watch you suffer, offer a way out and listen to your refusal. Soon I’ll stop asking all-together and then guess what you’ll come to me wondering if I have time to “talk”. Will I? Of course. I’ll have waited for what seems like forever. I just needed to wait for you to come around and learn for yourself. And maybe it will be sweeter and more worthwhile and I’ll have learned more by that time too. Who knows?

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