Tag Archives: learning

Going Through Something…

24 Sep
Travel problem

WordPress says that to increase “readership” I should include visuals…I didn’t know what would suit what I’ve written here. So I think this is appropriate.

So remember how I went to India? Well while I was there, I met a guru. He grew up in Canada and helped people for free. Despite his arrogant demeanour and sour smile, what he said was ever so honest. Of course he told me that I need to love myself more, and let my heart love more easily. “Go for it” he said. Ah yes of course. Go for it. Here’s my first attempt at simple plain honesty. And if you read this and feel moved…then don’t just nod your head…make a change. Do something.

Imma go for it:

There is no room in my life for an ego your size. It’s really all about silly pride isn’t it? Dumb, heavy, overbearing and useless. I’m fed up with it and you know the funny thing is…I desperately want to get to know who you are. But you’ve built up these proverbial walls so high, and even when I jump to peek over the top; I’m barely scratching the surface.  Am I making sense?

No? Let me break it down for you. This is what I’ve learned in my short span of what I can scarcely call a life. I’ve learned that hidding your sh**t does nothing for you. It only barricades you from the rest of the world. You (general) think that because you’re hiding it all, it makes you a deep individual? You think you’re the only one? Yes you’re the only one who’s “going though something”?

No! It is harder to deal with the thoughts of other people. When you keep your issues bottled up, your thoughts will twist and turn around in that head of yours and before you know it, a tiny issue becomes a catastrophe. So what in the world are you waiting for? I’m dying to get to know you! I’m begging to understand who you are.

WHO ARE YOU?

Don’t slap on a smile and nod at me. We’re adults aren’t we? The time to play “pretend” has come and gone. We can skip the small talk too, I don’t wanna to hear it. Lay it all out there for me, and watch me be someone who actually cares and will put my best foot forward to show you that I care. I really do care. I’m not telling you to forget and move on. No, take it with you, let it become part of what makes you an interesting character. But let it stop at that. Get over it.It isn’t your life, it isn’t what makes or breaks you. Just saying. 

But go ahead and keep it all inside your head. And I’ll watch you suffer, offer a way out and listen to your refusal. Soon I’ll stop asking all-together and then guess what you’ll come to me wondering if I have time to “talk”. Will I? Of course. I’ll have waited for what seems like forever. I just needed to wait for you to come around and learn for yourself. And maybe it will be sweeter and more worthwhile and I’ll have learned more by that time too. Who knows?

…expectations

25 Aug

I thought that when I had started this trip I would have been inspired to write tons and perceive insight from everything that I have learned so far. But as it is I am too caught up in the moments to stop and write something down.
Silly me, as a writer I should have already learnt to set aside time for the day to look back and reflect or think about something…anything. But alas I have not, my mind and soul are to free to stick to any regiment. Or perhaps I am just forgetful…perhaps that is the actual cause.
But here is what I have discovered about myself do far on this trip. That I need to calm down. Almost everyone I have met has told me that I’m a little uptight and need to let loose. Then I think to myself that of course I’m letting loose. Aren’t I here on this trip, learning and freeing my mind? But then to some people I am the over planner. I know exactly at what time things need to be done and at exactly what time I need to be somewhere.
I know my mother at this point would say, “There is nothing wrong with that.” and of course there isn’t but there is something wrong in not letting yourself go with a flow and see what happens. You never know who you will meet in your travels.

Staying at Jaisiyaram in Vrindavan…

I just finished having dinner at the ashram and it was delicious and silent too for that matter, because we were all busy eating.
The boys (various boys from families too poor to support them), sat in silence also at the other end of the table. Every once in a while I look over and smile at them and they smile back and shyly look down at their plates. They live here and go to school here, their life is here. And they are so excited by the simple things in life that it shakes my senses and almost stirs me to tears.

Yesterday I sat beside Naniji, and with my handy-dandy iPad asked her how she was that day. Well there must have been a mistake because when her grandson came to translate, she said to him “How can I tell her that I am 90+ years old?”
My foolish mistake in accidentally asking her how old she was…of course she was not embarrassed, but I was. But she lovingly patted my back and shook her head as if to say nothing shocked her anymore in this life.

What else have I learned here in this journey?

1. I’ve learned that no matter how hard you try you meet people, amazing people. They’re everywhere and are so ready to meet you and get to know you.
2. I’ve learned that fear and regret are only as big as you let them get, and no matter what the world spins and life goes on. So forget about fear and regret…move on with life and live it.
3. I’ve learned that even in the most chaotic places (like India) there is a rhyme and there is a reason, I’m just too foreign to see it.
4. Stress, when it plagues you…is obviously never a good thing~ duh.
5. Sing and smile while you work, it makes it more enjoyable even in the nastiest jobs. There is a man at the ashram who is always smiling, they call him Baboo (spelling). He serves our meals, and anyways, he is always quite the happy camper.
6. Be down. And by this I don’t mean on the ground…I mean be up for anything. Someone wants to try something new? Don’t say no, say yes and see what adventure you might have. You never know what will happen.

Hmmm that’s all I can think of thus far, but I will keep the list running, keep the thoughts flowing, and all that jazz. But until I do, here’s cheers from me in India 🙂

Jaisiyaram

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