Tag Archives: Perfection

phonethoughts

8 Jun

Image

Arbitrary photo to match my arbitrary thoughts.

I jot thoughts down while waiting in line, sitting on the bus, riding a subway, waiting for an interview…This is unbelievably random. But you do it too, don’t be shy. There are no connections whatsoever:

The flicker between life and death is not tangible, and yet is reality. As simple as taking a breath and then not breathing. As easy feeling the wind but not seeing it and yet still knowing it exists. Existence is permeable, transitional and untouchable. Existence is not tangible and yet we know it as reality. We know no different. How can we?

It’s a riddle. Such a riddle. Ha!

It’s hilarious, how we think we’re in control and really it’s a facade, kind of like looking in a mirror and thinking to yourself “you got this.” And you leave before you see the mirror look back at you and say “girl you don’t know what’s coming and you don’t know what you think you got.” Because really the person looking back at you would be the black version of yourself if you’re white and the Asian version of yourself if you’re black. It’s all about being received and perceived in a different light then what you actually are.

So here I am sitting in an office that might be a ploy and waiting for a day of observations with a company that could or couldn’t be a next step and beyond myself I have higher hopes. But reality tells me that sometimes those higher hopes aren’t plausible. Part of me knows this is a joke and I’m kidding myself. Ha my life is a tad of a joke. But I have to have a job and some kind of ambition while studying! I need to have something for myself. Even if it’s just a job that’s not so great and I’m working towards something, and maybe just make this could lead to something. Or nothing. Work while studying. I Guess and live at home? No. No way.

Is it worth it? I don’t think so.

Be at each other’s throats left and right; constantly about living and how lives should be lived. “Should” is a hard task-master. You can never please “should”. Once you start trying to you realize you’re straining to attain priceless perfection. For what? Why? We should strive to be happy with being perfectly imperfect. But “should” is a hard task-master and you can never please “should”.

Rambling

5 Mar

EmptyShe’s got it (life) in the bag. At the age of 25 she was made a CEO. She was addicted to success. It is a drug to her.

Everyday she wears black stilettos, tight black skirts and a sharp black jacket over a silk bouse. Her hair is brushed to perfection, tight and knotted in a bun at the nape of her neck.  One glance at her and you’d think she’d walked off a tv set and onto the street. She walks at regular pace, head held high and pointed forward. Never does she take a mis-step.

Her desk is immaculate. Black pens and Sharpies. There wasn’t a need for pencils, mistakes are never made.

To hear her walk in the hall is akin to hearing the stern knock on a knobby knuckle against a hard wood door. Precise and calculated. Unrelenting.

To hear her voice is similar to an incessant chime that never seems to die away. Quick.

To see her face is almost like looking a soft, white, chiffon cloth, blowing in a morning breeze.  Blank and empty. She’s without a reflection.

She is recognizable to many, unrelatable and unknowable to everyone. Her heart is void of a beat, like a window that shows its viewer nothing. Empty.

Around town her name is known as Perfection.

***

Every once in a while, you’ll find, if you’re reaching too high in humanity, something will come along, trip you up, and serve you humble pie.

Oh yes, you’ll hike that hill, make it to the top, smiling and then oops! You slip on something or other and you come a tumbling down that hill you’ve just spent climbing. That’s life for you, and a good thing it’s like that too. After all if we spend then entire time atop a hill, we’d forget ourselves, we’d forget our humanity.

Here’s my point: after all that climbing, that pride of reaching the top, we need to have a good fall. We need mistakes to remind us that perfection is a dream. Without mistakes our pride would swell to the size of what-not and we’d never strive to accomplish anything, as we’d already have pride to begin with.

Understand my meaning?

Without mistakes, we would never understand the satisfaction of achievement and the pride that accompanies it. Without mistakes, nothing would ever be improved upon. Without mistakes, we would only be hollow, un-human. We’d never learn lessons, never build upon what we know, never apologize for blunders, never rekindle or gain respect amongst peers.

Take a look at your perception of a perfect world. What room would there be for creation? None. As everything is already “present to perfection”, we’ve mitigated the concept of “need”. Why? Simply because in a perfect world, there is “want” for nothing.

***

So why do I go around and around, repeating the beauty of making a mistake should be welcomed with open arms? Am I that woman, stilettos and silk shirts? Nope. But my heart (much like many a person’s) is pretty close to the one she’s got.

A tad empty.

Am I trying to convince myself that my mistakes are what make me a human? That they’re what make me relatable to people around me?

Of course yes!

How does a person recover from the mistake of an empty heart?

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