Tag Archives: Philosophy

the Experiment.

6 Mar

*First before you begin. You must read the entire post to reach the point of what I’m writing. 

Side Note:

When I started blogging a few years ago, I thought to myself; “A random publisher, a random millionaire, would find me…tell me I’ve got talent and then say ‘let’s make you famous’.” And then I’d say, “Of course.”

Just do. Leave it there, if it comes, let it come, but don’t look for it. ~ Swami Satchidanada

So I’ve a good 10 “likes” on one of my earlier posts and well in my mind that’s just as good as being famous. Heck, the world knows me now! Am I right or am I right?

***

Throughout my days at my beloved high-school, I was quite obsessed with perfection (as mentioned in my earlier post titled Rambling). Yes, during that time in my life, I allowed myself no deviance, no obscurities, no mishaps. Perhaps that’s why I’ve never dated. If I wasn’t perfect, I’d berate my intellect with harsh comments as if it were an unclean rag.

My formula for life followed the integral rule:

(a negative)(a negative) = a positive.

How does it work?

Let’s say one week I knew I had a huge test coming up. I’d study for hours, write out my notes, memorize, practice, quiz myself and test my knowledge. Like a good student would.

The test day would come, I’d write my test. Then promptly upon exiting the test room, convince myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had failed. How could I have passed? I wasn’t bright, I wasn’t brilliant. Yes I had studied, understood and learned what I was meant to. But in the end did it show?

I’d whirl myself into a tizzy, lure my brain into the belief that indeed, “No, I wasn’t smart, I had in fact, failed.”

My logic was that if I made myself believe the worst upon the worst, then when I got the test back and I had failed, then I’d be ready. But, if I got the test back and I’d “aced” it, then the enormous amount of happiness in my heart would be that much greater.

Another example. A certain fellow wants to get to know me more, we hang out. I convince myself that the only reason this is happening is…(you list the reasons). I make myself believe those things, so that when the roof falls through the ceiling; I’ll be ready.

It works.

All throughout high school, throughout college. Practice makes perfect and so over time I’ve become adept at making myself believe the worst. I’m in top form. And I continue to do it. Throughout life I let myself believe the absolute worst about my situation, so that when the worst happens, I’ll at least be ready.

Until recently.

I read an article about positivity. I don’t remember where. I don’t remember who wrote it. But I have it stuck in my mind and it surfaces when those ever so convincing thoughts surface.

In the article the formula for life followed the integral equation:

(a positive)(a positive) = a positive

Meaning if I send out positivity, positivity will find its way back to me.

***

experiment time.

So I’m experimenting with this new formula. I’m thinking those positive thoughts, sending them out into the world and I’m waiting to see what happens in a situation.

The situation:

Met a guy. We hit it off so to speak. Usually I’d think, “Nothing will happen.” BUT on the positive strain I’m forcing myself to believe “Something will spark!”

We’ll see won’t we?

Rambling

5 Mar

EmptyShe’s got it (life) in the bag. At the age of 25 she was made a CEO. She was addicted to success. It is a drug to her.

Everyday she wears black stilettos, tight black skirts and a sharp black jacket over a silk bouse. Her hair is brushed to perfection, tight and knotted in a bun at the nape of her neck.  One glance at her and you’d think she’d walked off a tv set and onto the street. She walks at regular pace, head held high and pointed forward. Never does she take a mis-step.

Her desk is immaculate. Black pens and Sharpies. There wasn’t a need for pencils, mistakes are never made.

To hear her walk in the hall is akin to hearing the stern knock on a knobby knuckle against a hard wood door. Precise and calculated. Unrelenting.

To hear her voice is similar to an incessant chime that never seems to die away. Quick.

To see her face is almost like looking a soft, white, chiffon cloth, blowing in a morning breeze.  Blank and empty. She’s without a reflection.

She is recognizable to many, unrelatable and unknowable to everyone. Her heart is void of a beat, like a window that shows its viewer nothing. Empty.

Around town her name is known as Perfection.

***

Every once in a while, you’ll find, if you’re reaching too high in humanity, something will come along, trip you up, and serve you humble pie.

Oh yes, you’ll hike that hill, make it to the top, smiling and then oops! You slip on something or other and you come a tumbling down that hill you’ve just spent climbing. That’s life for you, and a good thing it’s like that too. After all if we spend then entire time atop a hill, we’d forget ourselves, we’d forget our humanity.

Here’s my point: after all that climbing, that pride of reaching the top, we need to have a good fall. We need mistakes to remind us that perfection is a dream. Without mistakes our pride would swell to the size of what-not and we’d never strive to accomplish anything, as we’d already have pride to begin with.

Understand my meaning?

Without mistakes, we would never understand the satisfaction of achievement and the pride that accompanies it. Without mistakes, nothing would ever be improved upon. Without mistakes, we would only be hollow, un-human. We’d never learn lessons, never build upon what we know, never apologize for blunders, never rekindle or gain respect amongst peers.

Take a look at your perception of a perfect world. What room would there be for creation? None. As everything is already “present to perfection”, we’ve mitigated the concept of “need”. Why? Simply because in a perfect world, there is “want” for nothing.

***

So why do I go around and around, repeating the beauty of making a mistake should be welcomed with open arms? Am I that woman, stilettos and silk shirts? Nope. But my heart (much like many a person’s) is pretty close to the one she’s got.

A tad empty.

Am I trying to convince myself that my mistakes are what make me a human? That they’re what make me relatable to people around me?

Of course yes!

How does a person recover from the mistake of an empty heart?

The Human Issues

3 Jan

How my job in an English school in Beijing has taught me to be apathetic.

You got ’em, I got ’em. The whole entire world has ’em. Issues! Yes they are out there and I hope that you understand this writing is operating on a certain level of factiousness.  It’s whether we admit them or not. The real conundrum lies in the “simpleness” of how we’re able to admit it. Can you admit? Can I?

But of course I can. They say that the first step to realizing you’ve got a problem is admitting you have one. Yeah, well I’ve got a problem. Am I gonna spill it to those faithful few who read this blog? Of course not. That would be mostly my family…maybe a few friends if I’m lucky. That would mean that the closest people to me would know my deepest darkest secrets, and what is healthy about that? I ask you. Some things need to be kept in the dark.

Exactly.

Disregarding that obviously sound logic at work, here’s the beginning of my issue: recently I have been a little more than slightly obsessed with drinking red wine (no particular kind although I’m partial to dry wines like Shiraz) eating some sharp cheese (an old cheddar from Kerrygold, imported from Ireland) and crackers (sesame seed crackers are the best in this case). It’s a habit for each night of the week I guess. Something that I treat myself with for making it through a day of rewarding working here in the great Beijing.

My sister, Kara, author of http://www.droppedspaghetti.com.au recently wrote about the issues with her job. And it inspired me to write about a few of mine. My post won’t be as funny and maybe not as poignant…but here goes.

I haven’t always been this way. Work never used to stress me out as much as it does now. Perhaps it’s because now, I’ve moved up a tad higher and I can see all the problems behind the facade of a smile and a flaccid compliment. This is what I know, it’s my experience in the “grown-up” world. Forgive my stereotype, forgive my bitterness and my negative thoughts towards humanity. How can I go against life experience?

Bias

So, I’ve read a lot about psychology and I’ve stumbled upon an article about  biases and how they’re categorized. As you most likely know, a bias is something that skews the reliability of anecdotal or legal evidence (fact or fiction). Further more a social biases (otherwise known as attributional biases) inhibits a person’s ability to interact in social construct.

In other words, each person suffers from a distortion on how we perceive reality. Doesn’t everyone love being able to say they suffer from something. My generation loves being able to say “I’m going through something.” Ain’t it the truth, ain’t it the truth?

Biases affect us no matter how hard we try to guard them from entering our opinions.  A person can pretend, but the show can only go on for so long. And the truth is, nothing beneath still waters is truly as it seems.

Positivity is great, a toothy smile is wonderful but really it’s nothing tangible. It isn’t firm and stable; most people use it as tactic to “stall”. I’ve been fooled countless times by the compliments; they’re only words. Meaning is lost, most people say them to get what they need. Perhaps people are inherently good, perhaps they generally want to do the right thing. But it’s not a standard rule applying to humanity.

Nope. I’ve met enough people in my short span of life, who have proven positive assumptions about humanity to be misleading. Better to assume singularity, you could live longer. Am I bias?

Aristotle wrote: man is a conjugal animal, meaning we like to “couple” (find a mate). He also wrote that we are political, we like the law and he also wrote that we are mimetic (we’ve got imaginations and we learn from and enjoy using them).

Portrait of Aristoteles. Pentelic marble, copy...

Portrait of Aristoteles. Pentelic marble, copy of the Imperial Period (1st or 2nd century) of a lost bronze sculpture made by Lysippos. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While I agree with the last two of your theories Aristotle, I do not agree with the first. Some people are born to be: alone. Look at me. Observe aspects of my life. I am alone and I and absolutely fabulous. Am I bias?

You tell me.

It’s quite hilarious, actually because as a journalist and a student of pre-law, I’ve been trained to be unbiased. Ya, but what human can be? Guaranteed: none.

We journalists only write the stories that will gain the most readership, the most publicity.  And I have learned in my job at in Beijing, that awareness and communication is “fool’s gold”.  A hope warranted but groundless.  Am I bias?

Again you tell me.

Image

The Simple Things…

22 Jul

The Simple Things...

There were some phony words that I wanted to write about this photograph taken from the movie Amelie. But then I have been reading The Catcher in the Rye. The main character is quite against people who are phony.

In regards of that, I’ve decided that perhaps it would be best to remain silent. Not tell you what to think while observing this photo, but allow you to think for yourself and come to a conclusion, as to what it could mean for you.

The viewer.

1.2.3

12 Oct

I have three treasures. Guard and keep them:
The first is deep love,
The second is frugality,
And the third is not to dare to be ahead of the world.
Because of deep love, one is courageous.
Because of frugality, one is generous.
Because of not daring to be ahead of the world, one becomes the leader of the world.

~Lao Tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC – 531 BC)

%d bloggers like this: