Tag Archives: Romance

Four You (A Mix Tape)

28 Sep

In India on the back of every truck you’ll find these words “Blow Horn!” And you know what, everybody blows their horn like it was going out of style.

You know I am a little bit of a coward. I mean it. Here’s what I mean, instead of coming out and voicing my feelings or thoughts…I write them up here. Oh, don’t know worry, I talk a lot. I get thoughts out there, ones that matter too. But the ones that could be rejected or viewed as unwelcome.

I put those up here. Kind of like an announcement board. And then I cross my fingers, my toes, my eyes, legs…and pray that the person who it’s meant for will read it and feel inspired, or know that I care. Perhaps it’s that I feel I’m the only one on in each specific relationship who senses the overbearing need to Say Anything (that’s a movie isn’t it?). You ever feel that way? Of course you do, if you’re writing a blog well that’s clue number one. Don’t worry, there’s no need for shame, at least you’re saying something. If you’ve read  earlier posts you’ll know that I’m not a fan of bottling things up. Dumb.

I’ma “Blow my Horn” ~these are for four different unrelated people I’ve met in life.

1. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you “You’re beautiful, you’ve overwhelming because you’re so wonderful and you shine so bright!” I don’t care either, I’ll be here to tell you. Let me tell you. Listen to me tell you.  If it weren’t the truth; I wouldn’t say it. Do I have to go so far as to name names? I don’t think so. You know who you are. Just start believing it, because it’s the truth. Man, I wish you would just believe it.

 

2. I don’t know if you’re reading these posts of mine. Maybe I’m too much of a romantic. Maybe I stifled what could have been a beautiful friendship and something more. Maybe I’m the only one who felt that way. You want the truth?  Ah yes, well, its only because I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I wish I had let myself love you. So I wrote you off. And for that I’m sorry. Haha, you might not even know it’s you I’m talking about. But I think it’s too late to change any of that…isn’t it? Do you know who you are?

 

3. Are you reading this? I gave you the opportunity to take the honorable option. And you took the wrong one. How could you take advantage of me like that? Wasn’t I kind and generous to you? Wasn’t I your friend? I don’t understand. I trusted you too much and you ripped away just a bit more of my trust from humanity. I never should have trusted you. You should know who you are. Step up and take responsibility for your actions. You broke my proverbial heart

 

4. I know you’re not reading this. You. There is no way. You’re illiterate. For you there aren’t any words, only names. Bad names. And I refuse to write them up here. You know who you are, but you’ll never hear anything from me.

 

Would you pick different songs? Of course you would, there are so many out there, but then this post would only be music videos. Aren’t they simply fun though? The images make you think and the words make you ponder. Of course life is not like a music video, but who ever put a ban on living like you’re in one? No one.

I’m not trying to escape reality, simply just trying to find another way to embrace it. And there. You have it now. I’m a closet coward. And if these four people were to walk into the room right this moment, would I say anything?

Hmmmm…

Going Through Something…

24 Sep
Travel problem

WordPress says that to increase “readership” I should include visuals…I didn’t know what would suit what I’ve written here. So I think this is appropriate.

So remember how I went to India? Well while I was there, I met a guru. He grew up in Canada and helped people for free. Despite his arrogant demeanour and sour smile, what he said was ever so honest. Of course he told me that I need to love myself more, and let my heart love more easily. “Go for it” he said. Ah yes of course. Go for it. Here’s my first attempt at simple plain honesty. And if you read this and feel moved…then don’t just nod your head…make a change. Do something.

Imma go for it:

There is no room in my life for an ego your size. It’s really all about silly pride isn’t it? Dumb, heavy, overbearing and useless. I’m fed up with it and you know the funny thing is…I desperately want to get to know who you are. But you’ve built up these proverbial walls so high, and even when I jump to peek over the top; I’m barely scratching the surface.  Am I making sense?

No? Let me break it down for you. This is what I’ve learned in my short span of what I can scarcely call a life. I’ve learned that hidding your sh**t does nothing for you. It only barricades you from the rest of the world. You (general) think that because you’re hiding it all, it makes you a deep individual? You think you’re the only one? Yes you’re the only one who’s “going though something”?

No! It is harder to deal with the thoughts of other people. When you keep your issues bottled up, your thoughts will twist and turn around in that head of yours and before you know it, a tiny issue becomes a catastrophe. So what in the world are you waiting for? I’m dying to get to know you! I’m begging to understand who you are.

WHO ARE YOU?

Don’t slap on a smile and nod at me. We’re adults aren’t we? The time to play “pretend” has come and gone. We can skip the small talk too, I don’t wanna to hear it. Lay it all out there for me, and watch me be someone who actually cares and will put my best foot forward to show you that I care. I really do care. I’m not telling you to forget and move on. No, take it with you, let it become part of what makes you an interesting character. But let it stop at that. Get over it.It isn’t your life, it isn’t what makes or breaks you. Just saying. 

But go ahead and keep it all inside your head. And I’ll watch you suffer, offer a way out and listen to your refusal. Soon I’ll stop asking all-together and then guess what you’ll come to me wondering if I have time to “talk”. Will I? Of course. I’ll have waited for what seems like forever. I just needed to wait for you to come around and learn for yourself. And maybe it will be sweeter and more worthwhile and I’ll have learned more by that time too. Who knows?

Image

Angkor Wat (Bangkok, Thailand)

20 Sep

A Wat

I am almost just as tall aren’t I? I love the standard “stand-in-front” of the monument and take a photo. A token tourist pic don’t you think?

Pathetic (Fe)Male Characters

7 Apr

I recently read an article through the FB about none other than what the title of this post suggests: pathetic female movie characters:

The Guardian on Facebook.

After reading I had myself a little thinking time and decided that while I agree with Lindy West for the most part I partially disagree with her. Yes women can do things now in the world of 2012, but does that necessarily mean they should? Just because you are graced with power does it follow that you should use that power? Albeit if a sex-charged wolf is terrorizing you…apply gung fu (I live in Beijing, this is how we fight). BUT I can’t help but think that although women are now for the most part recognized in the world, we’ve taken away responsibility from men!

They’ve become slightly lazy in my opinion or angry. A man’s challenge to work hard and succeed has subsided to make way for women. Am I saying we should ease back?
NO! Not in the slightest, if anything women should expect more, the bar has been raised for the likes of the “male”. It is not the stone-ages anymore, men do not go off to battle, they do not have to protect the fold. BUT they have to rise even higher, beyond protecting what they know and love. If anything because women can do things now, men should take more responsibility, accept more arduous tasks and expect much higher of themselves. It is not that the sexes are in competition (or are they?).

If a man wants to be the “knight in shining armor” then they MUST do more than slay the dragon and save the damsel. A woman can do that in this day and age.

If I can be a superwoman, why in the world would I need Superman? Are you picking up what I’m laying down? I have high expectations (which might not be a good thing) for men to rise higher then I can for me me say “WOW!”. I want you to men! Yes it’s a lot of pressure on your shoulders, but I have faith in you!

Women, I think we’ve become too blood-thirsty. We’re ravenous for success (I include myself in this). We don’t stop to look around and realize that there is more to life than rising to the top of the food chain. Have a rest as the Chinese say “xin xi” and let the men impress you. While they have lost some responsibility we can always give a little back and ease our high expectations. Just because you kick back and take it easy, it does not mean you’re giving up. No, I would say that it makes you a stronger person to realize that you are human and you need rest. So TAKE SOME!

This is funny, because after reading all of what I’ve written above I’ve realized one very important point. I am most definitely describing myself here, lecturing myself and admitting my own expectations.

You see this is why I love writing, you find out things about yourself as a writer that you wouldn’t have known had you never sat down to write!

I got all this from a simple article about pathetic female Hollywood characters. I wonder what would happen if I read something very deep and wrote a post afterwards. I bet I’d get existential…

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