Tag Archives: shots

Searching for Reasons

1 Apr

I had a thought, I wanted to say something. But my brain is a little more than slightly broken. I have nothing to say…but I must write something, anything. Muse about something.

I posted a link.
And then realized that it is not a blog post really if they’re aren’t any words. So now here is the painstaking process of adding verbage.
It is true that I’ve been hating on Beijing in a big way these days. Not without probable cause.

I have my reasons:

The constant going that I am feeling is starting to suck me dry.
The fog-smog. It should really be its own word…fogsmog…there it’s its own word! As my colleague would say, “Boom!”
Snot shots.
Elbows in my back.
People, everywhere. Need a moment alone? Search somewhere else!
Women carrying their babies, asking me constantly if I want a fake ID. The baby begins to cry.

Then there is this link:

Olympic song “Beijing Welcomes You” (subbed) – YouTube.

Beijing welcomes me huh?
I’m sure it does.
Things always look amazing when there are theatrical additives.

A friend asked me “Why don’t you leave?”
My answer, “I made a commitment, I will not give up on what I’ve started here. I can’t. I know regret will sink in as soon as the plane left the ground.”

Here is how I encourage myself:

1. This is a growing period of my life
2. It will be something to be proud of later on
3. I am learning to be independent, how to be my own person
4. Building my repertoire of experiences
5. I will appreciate my life that much more when I go home
6. In my mind if I can do this; I can do anything
7. Hopefully I am making a difference in the lives of others
8. Living and understanding in a different culture is a wonderful challenge to accept and conquer
9. Discovering how I am seen by another culture is such a learning curve that is making me a better person
10. A new language opens my mind to more

WOW, that is a pretty big list. I hope it makes sense, but in my own mind I’ve just proven to myself many times over that Beijing is much better than what I’ve known.

Why then, am I feeling suffocated if there are so many reasons to breathe?

Perhaps I am just too picky and expect too much. Perhaps I need to spend more time counting my blessings. Perhaps I need to infuse my life with more thankfulness.

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